please sir, may I have some more?

dear connex,

i guess i'm writing this post for the sake of being annoying but honestly i'm starting to get fed up. you can suck my penis.

i didn't mind the whole middleborough road project because we had heaps of warning and there was a lot of connex staff on hand to help out. if anything that was one of the best handled situations by connex i have witnessed so far.

but then you had to go and shit all over everyone by canceling around 36 trains permanently for the meantime due to brake problems. i understand this is a safety issue but to give no warning whatsoever, no days notice is friggen stupid. you suck at what you do and i'm pretty sick of it. the only reason i and other passengers still even use your service is because you have a monopoly on it. you are the only services available in my area.

your time will be up soon and then i will rejoice by dancing upon a pile of metcards. i might even rub them all over my body if i so desire. i wish you the best for your future, elsewhere.

yours sincerely,

sudo sumo ♥'s baby moses

p.s. your trains still smell and are dangerous

slut of the week: connex egg

our slut of the week is the connex egg.

i want to call him 'humpty dumpty' but it doesn't feel right if he isn't perched on a brick wall or smashed into itty bitty tiny pieces with seagulls picking at his innards.

he's a sexy bitch and is a part of connex's safety campaign to ease passengers minds. they failed.

i would like to see how that egg protect me from a stabbing or a mugging, i dare it to.

update: paul sent me these ones to add - if anyone else has some funny ones point me towards them and i'll add them aswell.

to speak or not to speak, that is the question

this one is only going to be short and sweet - i have recently been approached by my old school and have been asked if i could give a speech to first year students about my final year project and the overall course.

to me this sounds like an opportunity to say i have done something in life, a small feat for me, and plus i might be able to talk down on their level and tell them what the course is really like, like i wish i had done to me.

but on the other hand it could be embarrassing, i'm not the best public speaker, i usually fuck up sentences or make up words, or randomly use a rude word instead of a good one. i don't know if i am the most suited for such a task. so yes. that is where i am at now. i'm pondering the ups and the downs of the situation.

myspace of doom

ok so i know its been awhile since i posted, some of you ... (adam) even tried to kindly remind me to post. well here it is.

i have recently given in to this thing you people call mypace - i have joined you. for shame.

i pre-empted this title about a week before i joined presuming the worst, that i would be subjected to "friends" who i hate, or to have total retarded strangers ask to be my friend then try to steal my organs. so far neither of these two things have happened.

i bite my thumb in waiting.

so far i have found myself just adding friends who i already speak to regularly, i haven't found any old school chums, nor and long lost relative (i know you're all out there you silly fucks).

i have dabbled with making the stupid thing look pretty - a great tute on the net helped with that, but i refuse to go to the extremes of some people and have animated backgrounds and gifs everywhere. i can't bring it upon myself nor be bothered forcing it onto others. i think i will slowly play around with what's possible visually, you know, for the kid's sake.

i can't help but think i have forgotten something else to add.. something important .. something for this week ...

dance dance

so i'm going through a video posting thing atm - i felt this was relevant to my current poll

the llama song

who's hotter: britney spears or the pig from babe?

which one of these two would you most likely prefer to do it with?

think long and hard - each has its own consequences.

post your answer in the comments.

why old people suck

i have been surrounded by old people of late have come to pretty clear conclusion. they suck.

there is definately a generation gap between me and them and even though i play nice and try to look like i care what they are talking about, i do not. old people talk down to me, they explain things for an hour which i already understand even though i tell them this, they go off on tangents that have absolutely nothing to do with the problem at hand and they also have a slight 'smell' about them.

they usually have scary hair problems (see below), like weird foods and favor unflattering clothes. they lick their lips before they kiss, they tell you how they want you to look, they hate your hair and your beard, they hate your baggy pants and your shoes.

they hate our music, they hate our friends. what they hate most of all though is being told what to do by someone younger than them.

what i love to do is tell them what to do.

ear hair

i've been putting this post off for two reasons:

1. i'm lazy
2. i'm really lazy
3. i can't count
f. i didn't want to look up a picture of ear hair

at work there is a guy who i will kindly refer to as 'bob'. bob is in his late 50's i would guess and is a part of the i.t. crew. bob has a problem. a hairy problem.

when i talk to bob i can't help but notice his ear hair .. i mean .. its not a little bit its pretty much an eyebrow inside his ear (don't even start me on his eyebrows). the shit sticks out so far i'm afraid to walk past him out of fear it might touch me.

this leads me to question why he hasn't done anything about it. is it an age thing, does he just not care ... if so why .. what does his wife think?

now i don't know about anyone else but if the hair in my ears outgrows the hair on my head something is wrong and that shit will need to be trimmed - or for those so inclined, waxed out.

slut of the week: iPhone

what can i say, i'm a sucker for shiny new things. too bad i won't be seeing it out my way until 2008.

still if you think about it the japanese have had similar shit to this for the past couple of years .. so it isn't that special ... but it is ... is apple ... everything apple makes is cool ... if i have this i will be cool ... and i want to be cool right ... right? .... RIGHT?

p.s. i'm totally cool about it if someone wants to buy me one for my birthday, totally cool.

penis envy

for reasons i'm not privy to tell you i didn't want to stick a giant picture of a penis for this post, i mean, i'm sure some of you would enjoy that but for now you can just contend with Whitney from my last post.

i'm here to talk about a very serious subject, penis envy.

of late i have noticed this going on at work but it doesn't have anything to actually do with our penis, no , no sir-ee. it has to deal with the level of the building you get off at.

there are thirteen (13) floors in my building and i am lucky to be on the twelfth (12). every morning i am faced with catching an elevator filled with suits while i am in just a casual shirt and pants. i see the way they look at me, like i'm trash, i'm use to that look. they do think they are better than me and i love it. as we go up floor by floor i watch as they exit little by little. some look confused that i'm still in the lift, others shocked.

i get the best reaction when i let everyone board and the elevator starts and i then press the button to my floor, every time i push that button i kill a little bit of them inside every time. it makes me happy.

i walk away rejoicing that there is only one floor higher than mine, and that they are all cock heads and that i am way better than them.

till next we meet,
jiggly puff

crack is whack

now don't get me wrong, i'm a huge fan of crack, a little crack in the morning is nice, and some crack at night is even better, but there are some people who should just not do crack all together.

these people can usually be identified by wearing either tight pants or a tight top, or on the odd occasion tight shoes.

there are three main types of crack that i would like to bring to your attention, ass crack, boob crack and toe crack.

ass crack is usually more popular with guys aged anywhere from 20 right up till your late 50's, these people are usually involved in some sort of trade, so they a frequently offering crack right out in the open every day. there are also a smaller proportion of female ass crack dealers, they are usually working in combination with g strings tho.

boob crack is a favorite amongst fat chicks. their voluptuous bossums can not be contained easily in a tight top, usually leading to a mimicking of the ass crack but at chest level.

toe crack has really only caught on in the past few years, once only for the rich and famous, everyday business women are now forcing toe crack onto those around them. it is identified easily as a bunching of skin of the top of the foot which is a result from wearing shoes that are too small. this bunching of skin forms a small crack, usually off center and sometimes, in rare occasions, spills over the sides of the shoe. this is usually most prevalent in closed toe high heals.

ok so thats the bloomin lot, don't forget kids, crack is whack!

boxing day - wtf

this year i decided i would listen to the crazy man on tv and go out for a one day only, boxing day special shopping session to acquire goods for those who i didn't purchase for before christmas.

i went with a compadre and his amigo and together we raided the village of 'eastland'. we walked around the shopping center a good ten times, just to get a good feel of the layout and then we got into buying the good stuff, and by we i mean i. i brought stuff.

with my monies i purchased some new kitchen knives for my pa, a lovely necklace and earring combination for my ma, and some smelly candles for my brothers girlfriend and some wii points for my brother.

there is one slight problem. none of this crap was on sale.

so boxing day is all shams .. you can get the same thing for the same price before christmas or after boxing day .. and no one tole me.

now if i had been in the market for bras or rugs i would have been set, but, alas, i have no use for either.

so, in conclusion, boxing day sucks donkey balls and wildcats rule!